Swing town: A look at an "alternate" lifestyle.

Hey bitches! I'm back and ready to post more juicy Blog entries. Its been a while but as Kurt Cobain once said....All Apologies.

Today I'm going to talk a little bit about open relationships and my experiences working in a real life Swingers Club!

I recently started working part time as a bartender at a Swingers Club. This particular club is owned and operated by certain members of my family, weird? Some may claim it's odd, awkward, weird etc but I don't see it that way. To me its just not a big deal at all, if anything its just a moderately unique situation.

I'm sure everyone has preconceived notions about what a Swinger Club is. Some may assume is a place where sex crazed, emotionally neglecting people congregate and have orgies right in the open. Well if you assumed that this was the way it is, you would be 100% Correct!!. I kid of course, it's not like that. From my experience, at this particular club, I see normal everyday people, many shapes and sizes and ages although it seems to be a predominantly older crowed. I'd say 35-60 would be a good age range to describe the bulk of the crowed of regulars. The Club has a very laid back, lounge feel to it where people are being social, having drinks, etc. There is a dance floor, a D.J and a fully licensed bar. So in many ways it's like going to a "regular" bar or club except that this place caters to the Swinger lifestyle. What you don't see on the main level is what they call "Play" Rooms. These rooms are located upstairs and its where the sexual activities happen. I don't feel like going into detail about these rooms, but lets say they have their bases covered, For example they have a T.V room where people can watch all their favorite Academy award winning films to get themselves in the mood and YES, there is a fetish/kink room for those that like the taste of leather or the warm sensation of a paddle to flesh smack!. There is one particular room that even threw me for a loop when I seen it. They call this room Goliath? WTF??. I guess they call it that because of the INSANELY large bed that is contained within it. I swear this bed must be 4 king sized mattress's put together. If you're at all shy or have something against nudity in public...I'd stay away from this room as there is NO door either.

Most of the people I've met so far at this club have been really friendly and easy going. The management does a good job of screening potential club members. There is a zero tolerance for non-sense and douche-baggery. Everyone gets a long and the experience is usually enjoyable for most that attend. Couples meet other couples, single people are welcome there on certain nights as well so all you see is a bunch of people interacting and if the chemistry is there, people will then "Play" with each other! I like how they use that word "Play" as the substitute for Sex, I guess calling them "Fuck rooms" would be a little crass and off putting. With all that said, I've had fun hanging out in this club, its been an interesting experience and at the same time, I get some work experience as a bartender.

As for the concept of Swinging, or open relationships, I don't have a strong opinion either way. I like to think of myself as fairly liberal in my views and don't judge what consenting adults do. I'm against deception, abuse and manipulation and so far I haven't seen any of that take place at this club.

So what makes people become involved int this lifestyle? Is it just an overwhelming need for sexual variety whilst keeping the stability or a traditional marriage? Is it just boredom after years of marriage in order to add spice? Are there some deep seeded validation issues in some of these people to where they feel they need to be "loved" by many?. I actually have no idea, maybe different people are in it for different reasons. I think as long as they are comfortable with their choices and live a life of abundance be it sexual or whatever, then that's a good thing. I'm not trying to say that there is anything wrong with the lifestyle or the people that live it. I just like to ask these questions. Its kinda like the question of "Why does a stripper become a stripper?" I find it interesting so I like to explore it but try not to judge it. I'm not a strong advocate of the lifestyle or saying its the new way to be and thats simply because I don't have the experience, I'm a single guy and if I ever was in a committed relationship, I highly doubt I would be interested in the lifestyle.

Today's society has made relationships a very challenging thing to maintain. I mean, how many people stay together for long term these days? long term these days means 5-7 years. Can we explain the high divorce rates, break-ups, cheating, and the high percentage of single, never married people? The dating scene is very complex and challenging also. I don't think people really understand or know what they want. When you look at all this, it almost seems like a Swingers lifestyle is a viable option. I mean, there's no need for cheating or deception. Sexual variety can be achieved without cheating on your partner since its consenting adults. There is also an evolutionary psychology argument in that you can say that humans are not wired to be monogamous, at least not long term, hence the high rates of divorce, infidelity etc. This is all theory of course and can be discussed in detail for days but its worth noting for all the haters out there that think the lifestyle is immoral.

In closing, I guess I can't be a strong advocate for the lifestyle, but no one should really be ADVOCATING things like this. Its up to people to make their own choices, live how they wanna live and do what makes them happy. People shouldn't judge it either, I mean who can truly call themselves a moral authority these days?

Have fun, play safe!

Denny